Thank you, Veronica Partridge for not wearing Yoga pants in public. The Huffington Post reported that you stopped wearing Yoga pants, save behind closed doors for your husband to enjoy, because you didn’t want to be a temptation to others. (see the article on HuffPo here.) I heartily support your decision for three reasons: humans were created to be sexual beings, I want to be a holy man and it is very difficult these days, and we ought to have more respect for our bodies than what we do.
Christians believe that we have an awesome God because he made sex so fun.
Sex itself was made so that we would enjoy it and “be fruitful and multiply.” It is a shame that the activity of sex had to be condemned along with its misuse. That was a big mistake by Christians and we should reverse that right now. Sexual activity is the pinnacle of enjoyment and should be treated with the respect, dignity, and fun that it is.
We, humans, are wired to be sexual beings. Why do we act like we aren’t? Why are people surprised when our eyes drift to parts of bodies that are incredibly sexually appealing? It is what we are supposed to do. That is why we do it. It takes an act of will for us to not do it. Yet, this complexity of being human is what makes us in the image and likeness of God: we have a will and can control ourselves. We are physical beings that should be ruled by a spirituality that guides our actions.
So, it is not that we are sexual and should not be interested in other wonderfully sexual and erotic notions of humanity. I love for my wife to be as erotic as possible for me. I want to do the same for her. One of the purposes of sex is for a husband and wife to give as much pleasure to the other in respectful and loving ways. Sex ought to be the vehicle through which we give our love and devotion to one person-and blow their socks off all the while.
Thank you, Veronica, for acknowledging that you would reserve your Yoga pants for your husband to enjoy behind closed doors. It makes a wonderful statement that sex is a good thing and it should be used properly.
I want to be a holy man, but it can be very difficult in this sex charged culture. It is confusing for my son, as he has told me, for men. We are told that we must treat women as if they are not sexual beings, but then the “mellons are prominently for sale”. Women in the office talk incessantly about how everyone looks, what they are wearing, and about “the girls.” When I worked in a Catholic High School, it was the male teachers who were going off all the time in faculty meetings about the lack of enforcement of the dress code.
It is false to say that women don’t look and have desires, too. It seems very acceptable for the ladies on The View to talk about how sexy a man is. The ladies at the office make remarks about how they would “receive that package in the bedroom, thank you.” A female I know kept saying over and over again how hot the men of the Brazilian Football Team were during the World Cup.
Although my passions like it when a woman dresses provocatively, my greater desire is to treat a woman with all the respect due her personhood. I want to be able to respect her for who she is not what she’s got. We all need help in this regard. We all need to be our ‘brother’s and sister’s keeper.’ We should be reserved in our dress, not because sex is bad, but because the objectification of another person as an object for my sexual gratification without a commitment to their person is just abuse. When I say, “I love you”, it ought to have something more than just “I want to have sex with you” behind it. If I ask you to help me respect you, is that such a bad thing?
Veronica Partiridge, thank you for giving us men a voice when we concur with your husband. I know he is a good man and will take those images that come at him all the time and put them in their proper context. I know, because as a man who loves Jesus Christ and wants to properly love his creation, I do the same.
We are pschyzophrenic in this culture about sexuality and equality, gender roles and gender. Sex is not an end, it is a means to an end. Sexuality, sex are supposed to be servants of love, used to build up. How many of us have felt used and empty after someone has had sex with us, swearing they loved us, and then left us? In our culture, it is way too many. Our casual attitude about sex says more that we don’t think of ourselves as more than just objects to be used by others for their sexual appetite. We act as if we are just dixie cups: to be used and then tossed aside. We are so much more than that. Just ask the One who became one of us to die for us.
So, we all should be thinking about how we present ourselves to others. Believe me, after working in an office as one of two men amongst 19 women, women do. They think of how they look, how they can use their sexuality to get ahead. It is no wonder. It was the only tool they had for many centuries. That is a shame and I am sad for it. But we should act as thought those days are over. They are over, right?
How we present ourselves says a lot about what we think of ourselves and our philosophy about life. If our outside is not speaking what we feel about ourselves on the inside, then there is something seriously misaligned in our culture. If we respect ourselves, then we should dress like it: men and women. I am not calling for us to be androgenous. Lord, help me: there is nothing more uncomfortable than being with someone named “Pat” that we can’t tell if they are a man or a woman. Gender should be treasured and enjoyed because it is a gift from God.
I am calling for us to present ourselves as beautiful yet dignified. “Pretty” is a far cry from and alluringly close to “sexy”. “Handsome” is a far cry from and alluringly close to “hot”. We can do better than present ourselves as objects of desire for everyone. Sexy and hot ought to be reserved for the one who loves us enough to stick by us even when we aren’t either of those two things. That is what God wants. Is that so bad? I don’t think so and neither should you.
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Mark Kurowski, M.Div., is the Executive Director of My Spiritual Advisor, a worldwide provider of safe spiritual direction, inspiration and advice. He can be reached at [email protected]